Embracing My Camera Shyness: A Journey of Self-Discovery through Photography
As a child, I was always front and centre in every family photo, happy and carefree. However, as I entered my teenage years, something shifted within me. A newfound shyness took hold, causing me to hide from the camera. It was as if a switch had been flipped, and I became anxious and reserved whenever a lens pointed my way. In this blog post, I'm going to share with you the reasons behind my camera shyness, how it affected me, and how an encounter with photography helped me heal and regain my self-confidence. I hope this helps If you find your self feeling like this now.
The Shift
Looking back, there seems to be no specific reason for my camera shyness. It wasn't as though I had undergone a traumatic experience or harboured any negative feelings towards photos. Perhaps it was simply the gradual onset of self-consciousness that often accompanies adolescence. As I started to become more aware of my appearance and how I was perceived by others, my confidence faltered, and my smile faded from photos.
Discovering Photography as an Outlet
Fate works in mysterious ways. Just as I was grappling with my newfound camera shyness, I stumbled upon the art of photography. It began as a subject choice at school which became a hobby I was obsessed with. It started to become a way to express myself and escape from the anxieties and teenage worries. I found solace behind the lens – a place where I could control the image, the angle, and the emotions conveyed.
I started experimenting with self-portraits, using myself as a subject to practice the technical aspects of photography. This process allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of lighting, composition, and the power of capturing raw emotions. It was through these trials that I unintentionally realised that photography was kind of a healing process.
Opening Doors to Healing
The more I appeared in front of the camera for my own projects, the more I discovered how therapeutic it was. Each self-portrait became an opportunity for self-exploration and self-acceptance. The camera served as a mirror to my inner self, capturing moments of vulnerability, strength, and growth. The lens became a tool for self-expression, enabling me to communicate emotions that I struggled to put into words. I didn't even need to look at the photos as it was the experience I had during which gave me a new lease of life. As I look back at the photos now I can feel how I was in that moment and the struggles or celebrations I was going through and It makes me realise how far I've come in my journey, the good and the bad.
The Importance of Perspective
A realisation struck me once – I was absent from the pictures that documented my life. The family trips and special occasions were documented, yet I was often missing from the frame, sometimes it was because I was taking them instead of being in them! It became an epiphany that looking back on these memories and being able to see myself in them was vital for the long term.
With this new understanding, I began to ease my resistance to being photographed. I realised that it wasn't just about me; it was about the collective memories and the stories they held. I didn't want to look back on albums and wonder why I had been absent from the narratives that shaped my life.
As we grow older, it's essential to remember the value of being present in the photographs that document our lives. These visual memories serve as a testament to our growth, our relationships, and the experiences that have shaped us. We don’t need to be perfect in them, but to just be present. You can’t ever go back in time and do it again. So, let us all step out from behind the lens, embrace our authentic selves, and create visual stories that we can cherish for a lifetime.
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